Don't Drink And Do ANYTHING 2: The Tipsequel

So I've written about my drunken adventures before but guys. That was Sixth Form.
Now I'm in uni.

I don't know if this is the same in universities outside of the UK, but here university is basically one giant drinking party where no one has a clue what's going on but pretends to be a real adult whilst crying every night to Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off".

Although according to online polls, Durham is the 2nd most boring uni in the UK (beaten only by the highlands!) I was not allowing the Durham weak-sesh-life to get me down.
Oh nO.

So as per usual the night started with prinks at mine (which southerners weirdly call pres??), playing Ring of Fire, Never Have I Ever etc before stumbling out of my room hoping the hill descent down to the clubs wouldn't be too slippy that night.

So at this point I was absolutely gone off vodka shots and jungle juice (smart economic move- drinking everyone else's drinks) so myself and a couple other friends decided to stagger down to the clubs for gay night.

Now, I'm a big fan of "Rupaul's Drag Race" so you can imagine my enthusiasm when I notice that the DJ is a drag queen!
Now times that by 12 because I'm drunk AF, and then you have my crazy love for this queen I'd never met before but had immediately decided was my greatest hero so obviously just stalked for the rest of the night.
It got to the point that she had to ask me to be quiet for a moment because I kept complimenting all of her items of clothing like the basic cis white girl I am.

I literally stalked her around the club until closing time when my friends tried to drag me away but I wasn't going without a fight! I somehow persuaded some people I'd worked out were her friends (idk how either) to let me go see her so they took me into this like dressing-room to see 'my idol' once more. But this time I was prepared.

Before that I had been waiting at the bar begging the bartender for a piece of paper until, I assume just to shut me up, he ripped me off a piece of a receipt.
I took this precious instrument to my hero and she actually signed it for me! (a fact I had no idea of until I found the scrumpled up page in my purse the day next day)

My friends decided to visit another club so we waited patiently (apparently I spent the whole time trying to remember the word asparagus)  in line for the bouncers to check our ID.
Somehow in my wasted state I had forgotten my ID so logically the only option was to pass him the only thing in my pocket and hope for the best.
I happily presented the bouncer with 4p.

I don't know whether I thought this was my ID or whether I was trying to bribe the bouncer but either way it didn't work.

So I had to try other methods.

"I love your rose" I said to the bouncer, clearly wearing a remembrance poppy on his coat. I remember the bouncer laughing at me which I apparently took as us being besties as the next thing I did was try and cuddle him?? Oh yeah, and ask for a photoshoot with him which he wouldn't allow! (what an awful person! And after I had forceably hugged him and tried to blackmail him into letting me into the club as well!).

Now, being honest, I haven't the foggiest idea of how I got home, other than I woke up in my bed the next morning and vommed on my carpet before falling back to sleep.

Don't drink, kids.

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