Mean Girls

When to say enough!

I'm a very shy person so finding friends has never been easy for me which meant all through high school (and sixth form) I stayed with my one group of 9 girl friends. We had amazing memories together (our constant group sleepovers were never to be missed!) and although there were a couple in the group I didn't really get on with, they were fun friends to have.
However, going into Sixth Form, this all changed. Another friendship group joined with mine and suddenly the whole dynamic altered.

Each girl was out for themselves, fighting with each other to be the best looking, get with the most guys. It was a really difficult trying to understand these girl who I'd grown up with constantly choose their grafts over each other; over me.

This continued for almost two years, with me struggling to find a place in a group who only valued you if you could give them something.

This all culminated in a fight between the group when we all tried to get tickets to an event and only myself and another girl did. I expected there to be some sadness but not the level I met. They created a group chat on Facebook just to b*tch about me and my friend. I couldn't believe how heartless they were being and ended up giving up my ticket to an event I was so excited to see just so they didn't upset.

It was heartbreaking to me, the idea that these people felt so little loyalty and love towards me that they could so easily hurt me and talk badly of me.
And it wasn't as if this wasn't a common occurrence. After then it was like my eyes were open to their meanness. They would stop talking as soon as I entered a room, purposely "forget" to invite me to events. Oh yeah and they tried to out the other ticket holder as gay when she clearly didn't want to.

I felt used and hurt.

For quite a few days I couldn't stop crying I've never quite experienced such a sadness- the feeling that these people you had once cared so deeply for didn't like you as a person? It felt worse than a breakup. What had I done to deserve that?

That was the question on my mind for many days and it took a really long time for me to realise the answer:

I did nothing.

I had done nothing wrong. Some people are just mean and in no way was it my fault.

This was such a life lesson to me, I wish I could have learned it earlier.
Someone disliking me doesn't mean I'm dis-likeable, it just means they feel that way.
I can't control other peoples emotions.

I ended up cutting these girls out of my life. I realised I did deserve to be treated well and if they weren't going to do that I was moving on.

Of course this is easier said than done, and occasionally I remember something said and it still hurts but this is all a process.
Mean girls will be mean girls. It doesn't mean they have to be a part of my life.

Cut those b*tches out.

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